Episode 124: Five Tips to Making Life Easier as a Working Parent with Raena Boston of Working Momtras
Are you a working parent or do you lead team members who are working parents? If so, today’s guest is full of tangible tips to make your day-to-day run as smoothly as possible.
By day, Raena Boston is a working mother to 3 children, Chamber of Mothers co-founder, and human resources professional for a consulting firm. By night (and wherever there is margin), she is a writer and the founder of an online community for mothers called The Working Momtras. The Working Momtras is a community designed to help empower moms to resign from doing it all and instead lean into their inherent worth. Utilizing the power of momtras (mantras), stories and connection, The Working Momtras exists to guide moms toward becoming more of who they already are.
Press play and you’ll hear:
The biggest challenges working parents face
Key habits working parents can implement to make their lives easier
Five tips for working parents to make each day run smoother
One thing working parents should STOP doing, and one thing working parents should START doing
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Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the improve it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
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Episode 124 Transcription
Erin (00:01):
Improve it! Peeps. Oh my goodness. Today's episode is fire. If you are a working parent, press play. Well, you've already pressed play. If you are a working parent, stop what you're doing. Get out your notebook immediately. If you are a leader of working parents, stop what you're doing. Get out a notebook and pin immediately because today's guest is full of tangible tips to make your working life easier. As a working parent, we have the incredible Raena Boston on the show, and she is a working mother to three children, the chamber of mother's co-founder and human resources professional for a consulting firm. Now by night and wherever there is margin, she's a writer and the founder of an online community for mothers called the Working Momtras. Now I love a pun, so done and done. The Working Momtras is a community designed to help empower moms to resign from doing it all.
Erin (01:04):
She likes to say doing it all is a scam and instead lean into their inherent worth. Utilizing the power of mantras, stories and connection, the Working Momtras exist to help guide moms toward becoming more of who they already are. Oh my God. This show is so good. I took notes because I'm a working parent. And let me just say this. I said this to Raena after we hit record or after the recording was over, sometimes you podcast for your community. Sometimes you podcast for you. Today was the combo of both. If I'm being honest, selfishly, I needed to hear some of these things today. So please take out a pen and paper I'm telling you, you're gonna wanna hear these five things. We're gonna talk about a little bit about how she got started, how she created Chamber of Mothers. We're gonna talk about the biggest challenges working parents face.
Erin (01:59):
And then we're gonna talk about one thing you can start doing and one thing you can stop doing as a working parent or as a leader of working parents. Let's go y'all, here it is. We're improving it with Raena Boston. Are you a leader or change maker inside of your business organization or corporation? Are you looking for new, innovative ways to drive morale through the roof? Are you looking for fun and exciting icebreakers, team building exercises, and activities that will foster team growth, friendships, loyalty, and completely transform your organization from the inside out? Have you been searching for a fun and unique way to create change instead of the same old, dry, boring leadership books and ice breakers that aren't actually working? Hi, I'm Erin Diehl, business improv edutainer, failfluencer, and professional zoombie who is ready to help you improve it. My mission in life is to help you develop teams and leaders through play, improv, and experiential learning. In this podcast, we will deep dive into professional development, team building, effective communication, networking, presentation, skills, leadership training, how to think more quickly on your feet and everything in between. We have helped everyone from fortune 500 companies to small mom and pop shops transform their business, their leadership, and their people through play. So grab your chicken hat. We are about to have some fun, welcome to improve it! the podcast!
Erin (03:49):
Raena, welcome to the improve it! podcast. You did not know.
Raena (03:57):
Thank you.
Erin (03:58):
You are welcome. We are coming in from the sunshine state. <Laugh> it is great to have you here. Met you through dear friend Tracy, who has been on the show and she is what we call HR Tracy, another great podcast host, but I wanna introduce you to our audience. That's how I found you was listening to Tracy's show bringing the human back to human resources. And I said, let me, let me know, Raena, let me do that. So can you give our audience, which we call the improve it! Peeps five facts about you that we couldn't find on a resume. We couldn't find on your bio or any of the amazing pieces of content that you produce, what are five things we need to know about you?
Raena (04:50):
All right. Let's see.
Erin (04:51):
Fun facts. These can be fun facts.
Raena (04:52):
I gotta think about this. One, I skipped my senior year of high school and went straight to college.
Erin (04:58):
What!
Raena (05:00):
I was over at .edu. Yes. I had to get outta there. I was ready to do something else. And so they sent...you would send your grades back for like your core classes, so English or whatever it was. And then it was very important to my parents that I walked across the stage. So I had to go back to graduate. So it was almost like very similar to a dual enrollment program, except I was not enrolled at all at my high school for my senior year. Just sending grades back.
Erin (05:30):
Crazy and good for you over at .edu. I love that so much. Okay. Give me number two.
Raena (05:37):
Number two. I ended up in HR like most people. I did not go to school for this. I just found my way into it. I was a journalism major and I feel like there's a lot of overlap. People don't think about that, but I think that being able to communicate with people, being able to get people to divulge information and being able to ask really good questions and not only of the people that you're working with, but also the business-side of things.
Erin (06:10):
God, that's so true.
Raena (06:11):
Because a lot of times they don't interrogate why they're doing something or if it makes sense. And I think that asking really good questions...and that journalism background really prepared me for this line of work that I've found myself in.
Erin (06:26):
That is, we're gonna come back to that. Give me number three, give me number three.
Raena (06:30):
I am a twin and I'm the youngest. We are the youngest of four girls.
Erin (06:37):
Oh my God.
Raena (06:39):
And we all, all our names start with R
Erin (06:41):
Oh, okay. Can we, we need to hear 'em real quick,
Raena (06:44):
Rhonda. She's my sister that's 16 years older than me. Rory is seven years older. Randy is my twin sister. We're five minutes apart and then there's me.
Erin (06:54):
Oh my God. Wait, are you...so wait. You're the...who came out first? You or Randy?
Raena (06:58):
Me.
Erin (06:59):
You. Okay. Okay. So you're like the second. Is she considered the baby baby?
Raena (07:04):
I mean, yeah.
Erin (07:04):
Yeah. Okay. All right. That's crazy and amazing. I, I always wanted a sister. So you got the, you had a twin and two others, which is just fascinating. All right. Four. Give me four.
Raena (07:16):
Four, oh wow. I'm like, oh boy. Three. I would've been prepared for five. I'm like, okay, let me lemme think what is something? Yeah.
Erin (07:28):
Give something, give me something that lights you up. What makes you excited?
Raena (07:33):
I'm a homebody. That's what excites me. Like get me a, a pair of stretchy leggings. That not only contain what needs to be contained and creates the shape that I'm going for, but a book, a podcast, being in with my people. I mean, that's what I love.
Erin (07:55):
I gotta go. I'm tired. We're gonna lay down. No, this is so good. I, I agree with you. I, when the pandemic happened, I literally invested in pants. You can't, you can't say this without waist pants. Like I'm like, what is, why, why do I need to feel tight?
Raena (08:08):
I can't stand a hard pant. No, mm-mm why are we going back to hard pants?
Erin (08:14):
Exactly. And you know what I did to myself, if I didn't, this is my punishment for not, I punished myself. If I didn't get up early enough in the morning and do like my morning routine, my whole thought was Erin you have to wear real pants. Like you have to wear jeans.
Raena (08:27):
<Laugh>
Erin (08:29):
So it did work for a while. And then I was like, this is dumb. Why am I doing this? I could just live my life and not wear jeans. So anyway, I don't get up early. It's fine. I mean, I do. Who cares? Number five, number five.
Raena (08:40):
Okay. Number five. I am one of those people who was diagnosed with ADHD in their mid-thirties. I just found out in January that I am a neuro divergent and now my entire life all makes sense now.
Erin (08:55):
I bet that was enlightening. Has it? We just had an awesome guest on the show talk about neuro divergence in the workplace and neurodiversity. And I think it's fascinating that that took a long time to diagnose. That's like, you know, it's something that came out later in your life.
Raena (09:17):
Well, I mean, women are underdiagnosed by far because at least when I was growing up, it was for young boys who were white. Yeah. Who were hyper. And so one of the things that I learned that hyperactivity is not fidgeting necessarily. It could be your brain is hyperactive. Like that's the thing that is moving a million miles a minute. And that is the thing that is hyperactive. So I have a hard time turning my thoughts off at night, or I will be laying there. And I'll be like, where is this cast member from The Real World New Orleans now? And I must...
Erin (09:56):
<Laugh>,
Raena (09:56):
I must scratch the itch and Google and find out where they are. I'm serious. Like, and then it, like, it'll set off another rabbit hole. And before I know it it's midnight and I am full of useless facts.
Erin (10:08):
Okay. I feel like we need to change the entire course of this show. <Laugh> to talk about this, cuz you just basically summed up every evening of my life. <Laugh> until I discovered sleep CBD gummies. Okay. Well I feel like we've covered a full gamut here and I'm glad I asked these cues because you have a fascinating life and I'm just, I'm thrilled that you're on the show because you do so many cool things. We talked about that before we hit record, you're doing all kinds of stuff. You feel pulled in many directions, which is really how I feel. I know a ton of working parents listening to this show feel similarly. So let's just start with your companies Chamber of Mothers and Working Momtras. What led you to these two avenues? How did you get there?
Raena (11:01):
All right. I'll start with the Working Momtras. I, like a lot of millennials, came up in the girl boss lean in all of that. And I think I probably subscribed to that for a little while. And then I realized that doing it all is a scam and I really want no parts of it. And I really started back to our earlier point of asking good questions of who determined that moms and women should do it all and why, who profits from that notion? It's certainly not moms and women. Everybody else benefits from that. And so I really started to interrogate that within myself and I really started to think about, you know, what advice or what words would feel good to me as I go on this journey of being a working parent. And when I say working parent or working mom, all moms work because even if capitalism does not recognize unpaid labor, it is still labor
Erin (11:59):
Thousand percent
Raena (12:00):
And it's still valuable. And I just started writing momtras or mantras about, you know, whatever I was going through. And I just really kind of focused on that. And I would say that work really led me to co-founding the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers. I have three kids. The first two I did not have paid family leave. The last one, I did have paid family leave through my employer and I really felt motivated as build back better the legislation that would've, you know, had paid family leave, offered, you know, free pre-K and all of these things that I was so excited about. Like, you know, obliterated before our eyes and with the paid leave part, watching it shrink from 12 weeks to four weeks for it to be taken out, like really set something off in me because my baby was maybe a month old when all this was going down and I just was comparing my, how I felt with the boys and how, you know, I felt like being broke and not having access to pay while I was on leave.
Raena (13:09):
Recovering from giving birth to this baby really just sets the conditions for people to have PPD or postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Of course you're depressed if you don't have access to money and you're stressed and you're raising a baby and you're learning a new person. And so that really galvanized me to talk about my experience and, you know, talk to PBS news hour and just really get involved with some of the other mom accounts on Instagram. And we just ended up coming together to create chamber of mothers. And you know, those two things are addition to my 40 hour a week, HR job in professional services <laugh>
Erin (13:49):
Oh my God, you're right. You have like, you need seven arms cuz you're pulled in so many directions. That is first of all, thank you for championing parents, working parents, working mothers, and for taking a stand against something that you believe strongly in because it is problematic. It is problematic the amount of unpaid leave and the amount of mental stress. I, I work for myself. I own a business. I gave myself 12 weeks. I came back and that's what my team will. That is our maternity leave policy as is today. Hopefully will extend that in the near future. When I came back at 12 weeks, I'm gonna tell you, I mean the fourth trimester is real and I was not prepared mentally. I walked in the very first day, had a team meeting with all of my facilitators. I walked out crying, pumping in a room that they've, they, I had to beg the owner of the coworking space to create actually I, I didn't have to beg, but he didn't have one. And he had all female staff. I'm like, how do you not have a mother's room in this place where your staff is all female? And I just remember being so emotionally unstable and to go through that and to not get paid, like you said, and to have the stress and anxiety financially and mental and physical stress of getting, you know, through a pregnancy that is so hard and I'm so glad you created what you did. So thank you for doing that. And for speaking up for all of us.
Raena (15:25):
You're welcome. I mean, it just felt like, well, who's gonna do it. Like, and that's why, and it, and it also is a reminder to me of just feeling like, man, what can we do? And then other people asking, what can we do? Oh, we can all come together and start something. We don't have to do this on our own. Yeah. We don't have to do it all.
Erin (15:47):
Yeah.
Raena (15:48):
And so just being able to come together with my co-founders and get started on this and get moving and build this feels really good. It really feels actionable and it feels like a way that we can hopefully create some tangible change.
Erin (16:04):
I hope so. And so you mentioned to HR 40 hour a week job, plus these two additional Instagram accounts slash companies slash all of the things that you're running, what led you to, you mentioned you never thought you would be in HR, but you were, you're gonna be potentially a journalism major. And I was also a communications major. Which what, what does that mean? What does that we don't know. I learned a bunch of theories. I, I know what do you feel the parallel between what you do outside of work and inside of work is really strong because you're able to create change within HR or what really drew you to that line of work?
Raena (16:48):
I think what drew me to HR is I think at its best, HR is realizing that people are a company would not exist without its people. And how do we treat them well, how do we create programs that retain them? How do we allow them to be humans outside of work and allowing and giving that space for somebody to be whoever they are outside of work and then allows them to come to work better prepared. And I really think it just comes from place of wanting to advocate for workers. I know that HR has a reputation of, they're not your friend or they're on the business side, but like I really see our position as bridging the gap, being the liaison between the business and the people and how can we find out what motivates them, what the goals are on each side and how can we bring our people together to drive that strategy forward? And really, to me, it just made sense. It just felt like I had fallen into campus recruiting. I did it for higher ed and I realized that I didn't wanna make higher ed wages for the rest of my life. I would like to make some real money. So I moved to professional services and then I realized, oh, campus recruiting probably isn't I it either. But I think that there's a path for me in HR. And that's really how that unfolded.
Erin (18:09):
I love it. I love it. And now you have, you have a front, you can see on a frontline view what the people within your organization are dealing with and challenges. And then that helps hopefully create the content and conversation in these other two spaces of chamber of mothers and working momtras, which I, I told you this before. I love the name working momtra sucker for a good pun. It's so good.
Raena (18:33):
Thank you.
Erin (18:34):
Okay. So let ask you what, this is just something I just wanna know. What's your favorite mantra? What's your, do you have a favorite mantra?
Raena (18:45):
Grab my phone can't of one off the top of my head. Cause also I told y'all I have ADHD. So I write something or I'll read something I wrote and I'm like, oh man, that's good. I wrote that, what?
Erin (19:00):
You better write it down or you're losing. I feel that, you know what, too, when I saw the name working momtras, it really made me happy because I'm a sucker for a good Mom, a mantra and I'm a sucker for a pun and I'm a working parent. So I'm like, yes, give me all of that. Okay. What is it? Do you have one?
Raena (19:22):
Okay. The one I'm loving the most right now is I resolve to become more of who I already am by leaning into my inherent worth.
Erin (19:31):
Mm yes. Owning it.
Raena (19:35):
Cause we're constantly told that we need to be somebody else. We need to be this good mom, whoever she is. I don't know her. What, what does she do? What does she look like? She does all of these things that are unrealistic. And so we can never be the good mom. So how can I just be more of who I already am? What are my gifts? What are my unique gifts that I can confer to others? How can I confer it in my family, with my kids at work for myself and really lean into that. Like, I don't need to lean into if I get this promotion, if I kill it at work, if I make this sale, then I will be enough. No, I'm enough right now.
Erin (20:17):
Yes. Yes. Oh my God. I love that. Standing in your own truth, your own power. I actually, I'm gonna quote that. That's gonna be it. That's our quote for the show. Thank you so much for that. There we go. Tweetable right there, but I just think it's so important to remind ourselves of that. And I wanna, I wanna kinda use that to guide my next question. I'm a working parent. I'm a working mom. I know what I feel day to day challenge wise, but what you see this for so many parents out there? What are, if you could just pinpoint maybe the top three challenges you see parents face,
Raena (20:55):
I would say trying to do it all. That's one trying to act as if you don't work. And like parenting from that space is if you have the same amount of time as somebody who works a less challenging job. So not being realistic about what your circumstances are, what it allows for. And then I would say the third thing is, did I say doing too much, like trying to do it all
Erin (21:21):
You did? You did, but that's it. That's probably just like the number one, but I want, well, you said doing it all being realistic.
Raena (21:29):
The biggest challenge and again, prescribing to like a archetype of something that doesn't really exist aspiring to something that doesn't even take into consideration your unique gifts and abilities. Like as a parent and as a parent who also works, what makes sense for your situation?
Erin (21:50):
Yeah. I hear that. I hear that loud and clear and I think it's important to realize too, you know, we as working parents, there's, I'm just gonna say for myself, I'll speak for myself. I feel guilty all the time, all the time. And I don't, I don't know if it's a mother's guilt or if it's a parent's guilt, but there is a strong guilt that comes over me. Like for example, I just booked something on November 1st. Okay. That was gonna cause me to travel on October 31st. And I'm like, that's Halloween. When does, when are we celebrating Halloween? It's a Monday night. Do I travel? Do I take it right? And then I think about the guilt that I would have not being there. And so I didn't take it because I want to be with my son and experience Halloween, but it's it. And I, and also I want to, it that's a priority, but there's this big challenge I think with working parents.
Erin (22:53):
And like you said, let me say that just really loud and clear too. I have many friends who don't work, who work, who are stay at home parents. And one of my best friends is like, anytime she goes on a vacation with the kids, she's like, oh, it's a work trip. You know, it's, it is cuz it's so much effort to be on that much. And sometimes for me working is giving me that break to be myself and do the things that light my soul on fire. Right. So I guess all of this to say these challenges are so universal and there is no archetype, no per there is not one parent out there who has it all figured out. Would you agree with that statement?
Raena (23:39):
1000%? Nobody has it figured out. It's like with adulting, with parenting, with corporate Stry, like nobody's got it. Figure it out. We're all just doing the best work we are all improving.
Erin (23:51):
Yes we are. I like where you took that. I like where you took that. Have you ever done improv before? Just outta curiosity.
Raena (23:58):
Mm. I, I don't think so.
Erin (23:59):
It's actually, let me say this. It's very freeing. It's almost like therapy. So just hit me up whenever you're ready. Okay. Because it does, it does release a lot of things and that's why I keep coming back to it. It is magical.
Erin (24:16):
People don't leave jobs, they leave leaders. And this is a harsh truth. When leaders are the single most important factor in accounting for an organization's performance, is there a magical pill that can keep employees engaged, retained, and even assist in attracting top talent? Yes. My friends that mystical medicine is you studies have found that people with positive energy produce substantially higher levels of engagement, they lower turnover and they enhance the wellbeing among all employees. In my interactive keynote. I see you how to use improv to attract a company culture where all feels seen, heard, and valued. I used my research and extensive experience in improvisational training to help you realize that the energy you put into yourself is a direct correlation to the energy you give to others. And the energy that everyone in the organization gives out is what magnetizes the culture. We are all feel included.
Erin (25:22):
This keynote is perfect for large teams and large scale events in this 60 minute interactive and high energy session. I'll teach participants how to discover their power within and how to harness it on a daily basis. They'll learn the power of empathy and how to use it as a leadership tool and how to measure their energetic levels. Using high five, V I B E S. That's high five fives. If your organization wants to create a safe space, free of judgment, we're all feel seen, heard, and valued. Then this is the experiential and electric session for you. Email us at info, learn to improve it.com to learn more. I see you improve it. Peeps. I see you. Okay. Well, let me ask you this I've complained a lot and I complained. I'm just speaking truth.
Raena (26:21):
You're being honest.
Erin (26:23):
I'm being honest. So if you were to tell our improvement, peeps five tangible things that they could do to make their lives easier as a working parent, what would they be?
Raena (26:39):
Figure out what your values are. So for you, you mentioned that it's one of your values to be there for Halloween. That's not my value. Like I would just have been like, oh, okay. Travis, Europe for Halloween, cuz I don't really, it doesn't make a difference to me. So identifying your values and just hinging your parenting and your work life and all that based on your values, number one. And I think that is a way to free yourself from guilt of like, yeah, no, this is a value of mine. It may mean that I miss out on something, but also I wanna still remain in integrity with the values that I set. That make sense for me.
Erin (27:19):
I love that
Raena (27:21):
Two do last and this also kind of ties into value. So for me, I last school year, I started off making breakfast, making lunch, but breakfast was provided at the school. Lunch is provide, was provided at the school. And it still is. And my son said to me, mommy, can I just eat the lunch at the school? Absolutely. I am not the mom who has a bento box and is cutting cool shapes out of their stuff. And that, I mean, that is no disrespect to the, the parents that they value that. But if I can do less based on what my values are and that's not a value to me, then I know that I can immediately take that off my to-do list and that I don't have to do it.
Erin (28:09):
Love it.
Raena (28:11):
Three, if you're parenting or co-parenting or whatever your village situation is, involve them as much as possible. So does it look like creating a shared email account? So you're not the only person who has the shoulder, the mental load of remembering spirit week. What is it? Everybody should have visibility into that. It should not just be, you know, I'm speaking in heteronormative terms, but it just shouldn't just be the mom. It shouldn't be the primary parent. Everybody needs to be informed of what the heck is going on at the school because that's just not unpaid labor I'm willing to take on, on my own.
Erin (28:47):
Mm mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> I'm loving what is happening here by the way. I'm copious. I'm taking copious notes. If you, if you don't see, because this is not only do I need to hear this, but I know so many working parents out there right now are just nodding in agreement. Please keep going, give us four, give us fives
Raena (29:05):
Four. Don't go it alone. So does it make sense if you know that your neighbor down the street is also picking up her kid at the same time for you to also get in your car and pollute, continue to pollute and sit in the line car line, can you all work some arrangement out to take the load off of one another? How can we help one another as parents and again, not do it all. And like where are there opportunities for us to collaborate and not be in this like loneliness of parenting that we find ourselves in right now?
Erin (29:41):
Yep. I love that. That is so smart. And it's so simple and you just, I mean, why feel like, and here's another just, can I stop you right here? And I wanna get to five, but this even just brings up the guilt that I feel sometimes I'm like, oh, I have this time free to go pick up my son, but we have a friend who's helping us out to do that. And sometimes I, the guilt is, oh, I have this moment free when I should be giving that moment free to myself to better myself when I already have, as you said, the village to help me out. So, okay. Keep going. I'm loving this. Gimme number five,
Raena (30:20):
Five as your children get older, they're gonna signal to you. What's important. So like I personally don't subscribe to just enrolling my kids in a bunch of stuff because it's more work that I'm creating for myself, but they may not even wanna be bothered with. So really listening to your kids to see what it is that they value too. So you all can make values based decisions together. Like yes. If my kid told me it really meant a lot to him that I made the lunch, I would see what compromise we could make. Is it, we make it together. Is it you tell me what you like, is it, you know, what is it? And it's the same with activities. Like I'm not gonna sign my kid up for a bunch of stuff, just so that he can like be involved in these things that he may or may not value. So I'm gonna give him the space and give myself the space to wait and let him figure out what he wants to do.
Erin (31:18):
Mm. That is so important. And I needed to hear that today. Okay. Just speaking party of one, because you can, and I like that. You said you don't subscribe. You can easily subscribe to the activity culture. Yeah. Cuz you're like, oh, they need to do this thing. They need to learn Mandarin. They need, you know, like there's like all these different activities. I have a three year old, like, does he need to do soccer, swim and take a dance class? Probably just the dance class. Cause I enjoy that one the most, you know, like that is truly he's three, you know? And then I, in my head I'm like, oh, is he getting enough socialization? He was like, COVID baby. There's just so many things that we as parents subscribe to. And I love that you started with number one, which is figure out your values because it all stems from that. What do you value? And you know, there's that five love languages. Have you ever read the book? The five love languages? Mm-Hmm <affirmative>,
Raena (32:25):
Mm-Hmm,
Erin (32:26):
<Affirmative>, you know, one of my love languages and, and my second one is quality time. And so all of those things that we subscribe to take away from quality time together. So yeah. Let's make our lives easier. Let's do that.
Raena (32:43):
I even have a bonus one.
Erin (32:44):
Yeah. Give it to me.
Raena (32:46):
The other thing that I really subscribe to is confirm your unique gifts to others. So like I know my unique gift is probably not chaperoning a field trip. I, I know myself, it doesn't make me a bad mom. It makes me a person who is aware of my unique gifts. And that's not one, but I surely can go on Amazon and clear a list.
Erin (33:08):
Oh yes.
Raena (33:09):
Or I could make sure like, you know what I could read to the class. That is something I would love to do. I could donate some books. I could source some books that I feel would be meaningful for the class to have be exposed to. Those are things that I can do. That's again, I'm not focused on doing it all. I wanna focus on conferring, my unique gifts to others in the workplace and as a parent, as somebody in a community that sort of thing. And I just think that we should really think about that. Like what feels good to us? And it all ties into values too. Right? But like, what is something that makes you feel good or a skill that you know is a gift. It like it could be writing the newsletter. It brings you joy. It's a gift you have. And it means, you know, you don't have to sign up for the field trip if you don't want
Erin (34:00):
To. I love, I love that so hard. <Laugh> it's funny enough. So my son's name is Jackson. He just started school for the first time this year. And I actually know the room mom. Okay. It's crazy. Cuz she made a Clemson. You and I talked about that. So she's the room mom and she's awesome. And so I said, listen, I'm just gonna give you some real hard truths. I'm like, don't come to me for bake goods. I don't know how to bake. I'm gonna give you toast. Don't come to me for arts and crafts. I'm not here for arts and crafts, but I could like exactly what you said. You need an activity director. You know, you need somebody with the pompoms to come in and do a fun activity. I'll do that. But you're right. Cuz that actually the thought of baking something like your field trip is my baking. <Laugh> like the thought of baking something and then putting it in front of people is petrifying to me cuz I hate doing it. I just don't like it.
Raena (34:57):
It's not your unique gift.
Erin (34:58):
It's not, but I, I can stand in front of a room and be goofy with kids all day, you know, or read a book. I would love that. So, you know, this was a breath of fresh air. I didn't really know I needed until I took it. And now it feels clear. Thank you. Good.
Raena (35:16):
Anytime. Anytime.
Erin (35:17):
God. Okay. Well let me ask this. If you could tell working parents one thing to start doing and one thing to stop doing, what would it be?
Raena (35:29):
Start doing less and stop doing the most stop. Be trying to be somebody that you're not really get clear on who you are and be that person and like take it to the highest power.
Erin (35:41):
Yes, yes. That goes with your mantra.
Raena (35:45):
Yeah. So there's freedom in being yourself and knowing yourself. And it doesn't mean that you don't grow and it doesn't mean that you don't try new things. Like of course you should have a growth mindset. Right. But it just means that like, you know yourself, you know what lights you up, you know what you don't like to do. And you operate from who you are as opposed to trying to be somebody that you're not. Cause I think our kids know it. You know, they know when we're not being authentic to ourselves. And also is that the kind of behavior we wanna model for them? Not that you need to be somebody else that there's somebody else out there that hasn't figured out that and you don't no, you wanna model for them that like, no you're worthy. However you are in this world. I wanna help pump you up to make you more of who you already are. And it doesn't mean that like you pump up the traits that are tough. Just say like how we work with this.
Erin (36:37):
Mm yes. I love that. So so much. Okay. I'm gonna flip the script one more time. If you could tell leaders of working parents. So people who lead teams of people who are working parents, one thing to stop doing, and one thing to start doing, what would it be?
Raena (36:56):
Stop comparing people. I think that this is like ties in everything I'm saying is figure out who the people are that are working with you for you together with you and figure out their strengths and weaknesses and compare like, you know, a past version like you Q1 versus you, Q2 or whatever that person Q1 versus Q2 and help them achieve from what is already going on there. As opposed to creating a model employee and wanting everybody to duplicate whatever that is. It's not realistic. Doesn't work again. You're telling people to not be who they are and that whoever they are is not enough. And I think that you can still drive the business forward while still honoring people's humanity.
Erin (37:45):
Love, love. Yes. Okay. See, this is why we needed you right now. We needed you. We needed you <laugh> so add, improve it. We say you're it. The, it is your purpose, your passion, the thing that drives you, the thing, that's your unique gift. What is reus? It?
Raena (38:10):
I really think it's just like seeing people, really seeing people and hyping that up about them, helping them lean into that and to just help people divest from harmful narratives that are keeping them from being whoever it is that they're meant to be more of who they are.
Erin (38:32):
I love that.
Raena (38:33):
Like doing it all, such a scam. Like, no, that is not our value. Doing it all is not our value.
Erin (38:41):
Doing it all is exhausting. Doing it all. When I even say those three words, I just wanna like spit. I'm like, like it is truly a false narrative that has been given to us for so many years that I'm so glad that you are putting your foot down and showcasing to the world through all of your uni. All of your unique gifts are being shown through chamber of mothers, through working mom trust through the work you're doing in HR. And so I'm so glad you're sharing your it with us and with the world. So let me ask you this. If they improve it, peeps, wanna find you on anything. Where do they find Raina? Boston?
Raena (39:22):
I hang out most on Instagram. So just my handles at the working mantras, the working mom trails is my website. It's gonna be honest. It's collecting dust right now. Cause I'm also like, oh, what feels good in this season? Mm. What do I wanna talk about? Is it getting more personal? Is it? I don't know. And so I'm really leaning into, I don't know, I'm figuring out I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to have my content perfectly math, but I'll show up on Instagram and I'll tell you when I facilitated something and I just get sweaty, even if I am cool as a cucumber and joking, like I'm 100% sure. My armpits are very sweaty right now. And I shared that on my Instagram story yesterday. And so many people laughed or said me too. Or, and I think that people wanna see a real person. Yeah. Who is just, I'm literally figuring this out. I don't know. I don't know. Yes. I'm just taking it one day at a time.
Erin (40:23):
Love it. You're doing great. And let me tell you something. I know we were supposed to meet. We are armpit kindred spirits. I talk about armpits so much on this show. Like you have no idea how much I talk about aren't beds because I call in improv. We say, when you, you know, we call it the ick factor. When you start, you know, we use improv to train people on power skills. And so we always say, you know, you might feel a little bit icky and that's when your armpits get sweaty and you need to apply a strong anti purse sprint. And so I got, I like drop armpits in every episode. So I didn't say it today. And there it was the Easter egg that we needed.
Raena (41:02):
Mm-Hmm <affirmative>, I'm coming through with the sweaty pits.
Erin (41:04):
Thank you so much for that. Well, oh my God. We'll check out. Rena, we'll put all of the links to you in the show notes. I'm so honored to have you on this show. I'm so grateful for the work that you're doing for working parents. Keep it up. The world needs more of you.
Raena (41:21):
I'm delighted that you had me honored to be here. This was really, really
Erin (41:36):
Improve it. Peeps I'm floored. I'm floored. And honestly the fact that she rounded it out with armpits really just solidified that we are really long friends. Rena you're listening. We're friends forever. I am so thrilled. Well, I'm gonna repeat her five things that you can do to make your life easier. As a working parent. Number one, figure out your values, figure out your values. Number two, do less. Number three, make sure you involve your village. Number four, don't go it alone. Help one another as parents. And number five signal to you. What's important. All of this relates back to number one, which is figure out your family values. What do you value? You heard me say in the show, one of my love languages is quality time. So is a value quality time for my family. Absolutely. I actually wanna take that and put that into motion in my own family here and decide what are our top three values.
Erin (42:48):
And then that can actually help you make decisions about all of these things that we are pushed and pulled against all day long. Because if it's aligns with your values, then you go after it. If it doesn't, then it's a heck. No, I'm so thrilled with the conversation that transpired. I hope that you took copious notes. Like I did want to hear your thoughts. So if today show moved you. My only ask is that you send me an email. Tell me what you thought and what resonated with you at info. Learn to improve it.com. And if you really love the show, please pass it to another working parent who needed to hear it. I know I have several friends who I'm sending this episode to immediately, so help us spread the word and let's make life a little less busy and a lot more loving.
Erin (43:42):
I am so proud of you improve it! peeps. Thank you for showing up here week after week. And you know what I'm gonna say? Keep failing, keep improving because the world needs that very special. It that only you can bring, I'll see you next week. Hey friends, thanks for tuning in to improve it. I am so happy you were along for the ride. If you enjoyed this show, head on over to iTunes to leave us a five star review and subscribe to this show. So you never miss an episode. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Now, if you're really feeling today's show and you've improved it even just a little bit, please take a screenshot and tag me at keeping it real deal on Instagram and share it in your stories. I'll see you next week, but I wanna leave you with this thought, what did you improve today and how will that help your future successful self? Think about it. I am rooting for you and the world needs that special. It that only you can bring see you next time.